when i fall in love
i do so secretly and from afar
the love suddenly blossoms and eventually dies
right in the center of the sunlessness of my heart
i’m left like a deflated balloon
descending from a sky of lively hot air balloons
like a withered flower
amongst a garden of thriving flowers
like a bird with broken wings
watching all the birds roaming freely in the sky
until a new love arrives
and i blossom again
only to wither and die in silence once more
loneliness is clinging to me
like my skin
it’s covering every inch of me
sucking the life out of every cell
anger is adhered to me
like my nails
clawed, sharp, burning my skin
yet not aflame enough to turn the loneliness to ash
i’m a mess tonight
i just need someone to hold me
it won’t make it alright
but it would at least help me sleep
God is talking to you
through the sky
the sparkling stars
the trees, the flowers and bees
the wind’s touch that sways the leaves
God is talking to you
through your prayers
through your laughter and smiles
through your fascination and astonishment
God is talking to you
all the time
just listen
you might realize
that He is talking to you
through the very ears you listen
to the life around you
He is talking to you
by giving you the ability
to listen to Him
and if your ears
happen to hear nothing but silence
then it is that silence that is God’s words
to you
if you don’t believe it
just listen
and if you really doubt it
try listening through your other senses
with no one to talk to
about my feelings
with no one to see
the real hues
of my heart
i find myself by the window
with the sky, the sun, the moon
writing, pouring, flowing, freeing myself
of this burden of confusion and loneliness
1. ‘Because I Love You’
would it matter now
if i told you that i love you?
that i’ve loved you
for the past two years
and been too scared
of your rejection.
would you come to me
to mend your heart
after he breaks it?
because i’d take you.
i’d take you without a single thought
and i’d wrap my arms around you
even though i know you could never
love anyone like you loved him.
2. ‘Independent Love’
i’d notice
how your eyes
don’t sparkle when you see me
i’d notice
how your lips
don’t smile at the mention of my name
i’d notice
how your skin
doesn’t fill with goosebumps when i touch you
and i’d still love you
because my love for you
is non of your business
unless you love me too
because unless love was
independent and unconditional
i don’t think it’s love at all
and because
i wouldn’t accept anything less or more
i wouldn’t give anything less or more
that’s why i’m leaving
i’ll live my life
and i’ll let my love for you
be the standard to which i will be loved
3. ‘The Choice to Leave’
i respect you too much
to let you stay in a relationship
with someone you’re not madly in love with
and i respect myself enough
to save myself from this feeling
of unworthiness and unlovableness
—
photos from Book of Dreams
early morning walk
the town looks different
peaceful, serene, fresh, alive
birds chirping, leaves swaying
workers greeting one another
people whispering ‘morning!’
with bright but tranquil smiles
as they meet in the eye
while passing by one another
pass by a man;
a brief whiff of cigarette smoke
pass by a house;
the smell of toasted bread
pass by a hotel;
the sweet scent of pastries and croissants
pass by a coffee shop;
feel nostalgic and look forward to a warm cup
pass by a field of grass;
inhale the pure smell of greens and rain
pass by flowers;
close your eyes to the delight that comes over you
an old man walks
smiling at everyone
i’m walking too
with my heart under my feet
my face like a grey cloud
our paths collide
he catches my eyes
and smiles
his aura of joy
touches mine with compassion
i’m spent
from the tiresome whirling of my mind
i have nothing to offer
so i smile a pathetic smile
and as he goes his way
and i mine
i let the magic of his sight
touch my soul
and i write
