i feel like i’m a bundle of dwindling potential
for i have all these ideas and all these dreams
without a single clue on how to go about
bringing them to life
i feel as though i am nothing but a shadow
of the life i could be creating for myself
there’s something
about those
dark early morning
moments
that makes me feel
like the whole world
is okay
that there’s no one here
but me
and it’s not lonely
at all
i wish it was in my own language that i befriended words
i wish it was in my mother tongue that poetry flowed through me
i wish, with deep anguish and shame, that i didn’t lose myself and stray away from the greatest language of all that i so happened to be luckily born into
photos by the incredibly talented Noor Al Ali
what if i dropped out of uni
and had all the time in the world
to do all the things i want to do?
what if i had all the means and connections
to bring to life all those amazing ideas i have?
what if i read from dawn to dusk
and wrote tens of poems throughout
and poured thousands of words into a novel
and had a great record of success under my name?
what if i had the freedom to travel the world
and stay as much as my heart desired,
created art out of my days
and eterneties out of my moments?
would i be happy then?
completely fulfilled?
not at all distressed?
without a speck of regret
for not earning a college degree?
is it really truly
one’s experienced wisdom
and inventive ideas
that lead them to legitimate success?
or is it a paper falsely valued as proof
of intelligence and expertise based off
memorized textbooks and daunting stress?
i just can’t reason with this world.
and i am ashamed and disheartened
and eaten up by self-pitying gloom
for not having the courage
to take a stand for myself
and do what i know is right for me to pursue.
when i fall in love
i do so secretly and from afar
the love suddenly blossoms and eventually dies
right in the center of the sunlessness of my heart
i’m left like a deflated balloon
descending from a sky of lively hot air balloons
like a withered flower
amongst a garden of thriving flowers
like a bird with broken wings
watching all the birds roaming freely in the sky
until a new love arrives
and i blossom again
only to wither and die in silence once more
loneliness is clinging to me
like my skin
it’s covering every inch of me
sucking the life out of every cell
anger is adhered to me
like my nails
clawed, sharp, burning my skin
yet not aflame enough to turn the loneliness to ash
i’m a mess tonight
i just need someone to hold me
it won’t make it alright
but it would at least help me sleep
God is talking to you
through the sky
the sparkling stars
the trees, the flowers and bees
the wind’s touch that sways the leaves
God is talking to you
through your prayers
through your laughter and smiles
through your fascination and astonishment
God is talking to you
all the time
just listen
you might realize
that He is talking to you
through the very ears you listen
to the life around you
He is talking to you
by giving you the ability
to listen to Him
and if your ears
happen to hear nothing but silence
then it is that silence that is God’s words
to you
if you don’t believe it
just listen
and if you really doubt it
try listening through your other senses
