when i looked at the cloudy sky today,
i saw you smiling.
i closed my eyes in delight,
but i could still see the light.
my heart brimmed with love
like a cup filling from the ocean.
it connected me with you,
and with God, too.
now i feel a delicious togetherness;
an unceasing lovingness.
it comes from God,
and it has the shape of your smile.
I was born here,
But is this my home?
If it is—if it must be—
Then why doesn’t it feel like so?
When I travel,
I don’t feel like an outsider
As much as I do in my own hometown.
Yet when the flight lands back here,
I feel as though my heart is a jewel
Being placed back into its safe box
Like this land is two open palms
That await my arrival
And spread to embrace me
Into eternal safety.
I must accept
That I am forever torn
Between being from but not of,
Being part here and part elsewhere.
I prefer detaching myself from where I am
Erasing the sharp edges of time and space
By concentrating on a screen or a book
And not looking at the clock
To take myself off this place and find my soul elsewhere
how can I love this city
when I barely love myself?
how can I feel home in this city
when I don’t feel home in my own skin?
this house is huge
filled with empty space
i can feel the rhythm of my heart
i can almost hear the echo of my breath
mom and dad
are out of town
my mind can’t stop wondering
if this is how dead our house would be
when they’re gone
on a one way ticket
the other side
i can’t bear the thought
my throat is clogged with a lump of tears
what is life
without mom sitting in the living room?
what is life
without dad’s loud laughter in the afternoon?
the house is so silent
parents are on the other side of the globe
my sister’s singing in her room
i’m all alone
it’s not even worth turning on the light
i wish i could say i have the sun of my soul
shining through the tunnel of this phase
but i can’t
because i don’t
just like this house
i’m so silent
i’m so sad
1265 days later.
Sometimes the pain of losing a loved one
Makes you feel closer to them
And sometimes it makes you feel
Sometimes it flows through you and turns into art
Sometimes it freezes your blood