365 Days of Gratitude: Day 171

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i’m grateful for people. fellow humans. intellectuals. spirits. i’m grateful for getting along with each other. for appreciating our differences and embracing our ability to get along regardless. i’m grateful for friends. soul siblings. i’m grateful for catchy music. music that makes your body move. music that silences your mind, erases away all judgments and worries. and specifically iraqi music for me at the moment. the beat just makes my heart’s wings flutter with giddiness. i love it! i’m grateful for the universe. for its innate intelligence. for its truthfulness to reveal to you what and who you are being. i’m grateful for books. for loving my own company and feeling comfortable and confident with myself. i’m grateful for my conscious awareness that erases any judgments i pass on people when i’m not aware of my thoughts. for the forgiveness that comes with it. i’m grateful for the purity of my inner home. for my immunity to guilt and regret. for my meticulous care of keeping myself clean of emotions like that. i truly appreciate that about myself. i love being me. i really love being me. i’m in such a great place in my life at the moment. looking at my life in retrospect, i realize that it only keeps getting better in different ways, improving different aspects every time i fall and rise back up. i’m eternally grateful.

A Grateful Morning

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i woke up this morning with a summer of gratitude buzzing in my body. it was like the sun was my heart, my organs were sunflowers just looking at my heart with love, and my blood was the wind, swaying the flowers gently and giving them life through their own dance. my eyes couldn’t look up at the ceiling because it blocked the sky, and so they closed and saw the sky right through the roof as if it were glass. the blanket snuggling this garden that is my body as this gratitude brought a sense of utter peace into my whole being. my mind fell completely silent. there was no sound but that of the beat of my heart.

that moment is still alive even after i got off the bed and started my day. and it just dawned on me that after bringing gratitude alive in me every single day for these past two years, it has allowed me as its friend as i held onto it all this time. it loves me as much as i love it. it enjoys me as much as i revel in it. and i couldn’t be more grateful — even though i know i will somehow be tomorrow and the day after and the day after.

A Surge of Gratitude

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‘i am so blessed.’

a thought sending a river of words cascading from my consciousness down through my paper.

what i’m about to write right now came to me in the spur of a second. it resembled the descriptions of the moment that people who go through near death experiences speak of. that moment when your whole life plays like a film in front of your eyes; a trail of events from the past and future all taking place in the present. this is what i saw:
i live a life laced with unlimited freedom and prosperity, abundant in love and joy and hope; i’m talented in writing and passionate about photography; i sleep and awaken on creativity and with a curious desire for knowledge; i’m an intellectual buzzing with inspiration all year, everyday, all the time; traveling most every holiday i get; experiencing life through a fit and healthy body; i’ve got a mother for a close friend, and a creative for a best friend; i’m loved, and my work is appreciated by those around me; i’m an ocean of forgiveness that doesn’t close her eyes to sleep before erasing all thoughts and memories that begin with resentment and end with insecurity; i live a life of meaning and purpose, never getting out of bed without clear intention.

all that came to me in a second, a single movement, a fraction of the juncture of time when i was turning on the lights as the sun had drawn her departure for the day. all my face could do was smile as my stomach turned into a sea for those freckles of gratitude to dance and swim through.

and all my brain could fathom to realize was

how blessed out of its faculty to fathom i truly am.

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this was the year of reading. this was the year of seeking knowledge and perusing my well-being. this was the year of finding out the truth about the nature of who i am and the realm i’m currently in. getting in touch with my soul. feeling myself as who i actually am — a formless, divine soul. a spiritual being having a physical experience. it was when i awakened to this truth that i began to understand and appreciate being on this Earth in this time. more truths flooded into my life. my consciousness bloomed like never before. i became a magnet attracting all that i needed to know in order to live a better, more beautiful and abundant life.

i opened up my heart to love. i stopped suppressing and resisting my heart’s will and right to love and forgive as endlessly and unconditionally as it was created to do. i have realized how forgiving everyone and everything is in my true essence — it’s something natural and easy to me if i don’t resist it. something unlimited, unconditional, just there in abundance, ready to be given out in every encounter i experience. just like the love that’s my heart is made of as well. they’re both just there fluttering to fly and spread across my world.

this was the biggest year of my life. the year i’ve worked on myself and let go of many of my fears. my peculiarities and irrational, limiting beliefs. i let go of allot of them — i’ve actually forgotten what some of them were! i’ve only turned seventeen and this huge shift that has taken place in my life makes me feel like i’ve lived seventy years.

i’ve experienced so much — almost every emotion there has ever been felt, and i’ve transcended it all. i’ve written allot about it. it wasn’t easy at times. but definitely effortless most days — for once you open up the gate, the waters just keep flowing. it keeps getting better and better, easier and easier.

this was also the year of discovering new realms of writing. i wrote allot. in styles and words i’ve never used before. my creativity shined through like a sun to my days. inspiration just kept coming in, blessing and blissing my life in a way i could have never imagined.

reflecting back now, i think it’s all about keeping your doors open. being receptive and allowing goodness to just flow and flood your life. this is what’s natural to us as Beings in the first place! we weren’t created and sent to this Earth to struggle our way through. it’s the exact opposite. understanding this has poured waterfalls to the fire of the fear of being purposeless that was burning the heavens out of my heart.

the most major thing that has caused all this change and took it to further goodness was meditation. i meditated allot. many mornings, many nights. i experienced formlessness. even pleasant numbness in my body! and every time i opened my eyes and came back to form, i felt reborn and new, filled with gratitude and bliss.

this was a year in which i allowed my innate courage to make a stand for itself. i knew myself and what i wanted so well, that i let nothing, not anyone’s opinion stand on my way. and i did it so effortlessly and gracefully and without any worries or doubts or regrets clouding over me. i just knew. God was with me. i was connected to something so great, nothing could pull me back. i had indomitable faith in a Power that i knew was guiding me to all the experiences i ought to live.

this was also the year of exploring. the year of living my dream of being astonished by nature and beauty. i visited so many countries, and so many places in my own country. my thought expanded. the edges around my view of the world softened. i deepened my trust and connection in a friendship that’s now a source of true joy to me because of how vivaciously bursting with life it is.

three major dreams of mine manifested. one was a specific amount of money. one was traveling to the place i wanted to visit most, which was London. and one was meeting my greatest teacher, Dr. Joe Dispenza. the manifestation of those three huge, seemingly-impossible desires has taught me the greatest, most important thing about asking and receiving what you’ve asked for. it has taught me the power of surrender and detachment, and how by detaching from and forgetting about what you’ve asked for and enjoying your life without being attached to it or waiting for it, is the secret to attaining all that your wild heart desires.

i don’t know how i managed to do it, but i blew my brains out with both what i was learning from books and the language i was learning from songs and tv shows. my brain just seemed to suck it all up. i had no idea i could save up in my head this much! not to mention, easily memorizing several pages and acing every single one of my exams. our brains and minds are truly miraculous..

there are two things that i’ve realized this year that will make the rest of my life so much easier: my brain is innately genuis, and i can trust my subconscious with anything — healing, remembering, changing, and turning a difficult task to an effortless, almost mindless process.

this year has been so so so much more than i can recall right now. i just couldn’t be more grateful.

Little Letters: February 2017

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I found myself writing these letters as soon as I read them on one of my favorite blogs, racheladawson.com.
Thanks so much to Kristin of Taz + Belly for this brilliant idea. She’s hosting this little letter linkup on the second Friday of every month, and I thought I would like to join..


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Dear Mug,
first of all, thank you for looking so chic. i thank you so much for holding my coffee and keeping it warm as i drink it. i love drinking through you because you’re structured just as thin as i like my cups to be. also, the cute little tree branch and flowers and cheetah you have drawn on you are really really cute.

Dear Laptop,
oh god, thank the lord for sending you as an idea in someone’s mind and then giving them the courage and burning desire to invent you and bring you into formation on this physical world. i am so profoundly grateful for all the things you give me the opportunity to do. i thank you for holding my thoughts and poems, my pictures and projects, my secrets and ideas. i thank you for being the brilliant tool for me to create my little journals and books. i thank you SO much for your perfect, smooth keyboard that allows me to type out my essays for school. i thank you for being a perfectly-sized screen to view my favorite shows. i thank you so much for allowing me to connect with other people and to share my thoughts and find other people’s brilliant ideas. thank you, thank you, thank you.

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Dear Future Lover,
thank you for existing in the same lifetime as i am.

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Dear Bedroom,
thank you for yielding me your space. thank you for holding my bed, my clothes, my books, my thoughts. thank you for being my own perfect little secluded safe haven. i love sleeping here. i love spending my days here. and most of all, i love the relief i get washed with as i unlock the door back to you when i get home from school. you, a tiny little piece of this enormous universe, are the perfect space to hold me, belong to me. so thank you. thank you for hearing my cries; for being my solid ground when i dance; for holding my embarrassing secrets as well as my deeply sorrowful ones. thank you for always being there for me. thank you for staying the same just as i’ve left you every time i return back to you. thank you for endlessly welcoming me. thank you for being my canvas and allowing me to morph you just the way i want. thank you for the comfort, support, and sense of belonging that you provide me. thank you, thank you, thank you.

Dear Body,
i cannot thank you enough.
i cannot be grateful for you enough.
for every second you breathe,
my gratitude also breathes; it expands.
so thank you for the breath of this second… and this second… and this second… and all the coming breaths and seconds.
simply and sincerely, thank you for being my vessel carrying me through my wonderfully physical adventure.

Dear Pens and Paper,
first, you came from nature which is God’s divine creation, then you were morphed by man into what you are now, and then you earnestly yield yourself to whatever comes up in man’s mind.
thank you for holding our ideas, our thoughts, our secrets, our plans, our arts. thank you for carrying our endlessly spilling ink. and thank you, ink, for spilling yourself perfectly just as we please. thank you both for entwining to allow humanity to keep channelling their creativity. thank you so very much.

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