Mystery To Myself

artwork by Aykut Aydoğdu

i park
facing a tree
the sun has set
music all the way up
seat all the way back
there are no stars in this city sky

what am i thinking?
what am i feeling?

if silence and noise
could exist simultaneously
than that’s what’s happening
underneath the bones of my skull and ribs

i don’t know if i’m hurt or angry
or if this aching knot of ambiguity
stuck in my throat for days
is directed towards me
or someone else

i’m a mystery to myself —
i don’t bloody know anything!

i’ve climbed walls to ascend
towards self-awareness
and i’ve dived a thousand miles
into the cold and dark of my inner world
yet i still remain oblivious
to the universe that brims within

maybe my judgment
is clouded by pessimism
but all i’ve discovered
is that being human is an enigma
that can never be understood
nor has hope of being solved…

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