in my list of things to do before i travel is to see two of my friends so that my heart isn’t choked up with missing them when i leave town.
but you know what the irony is?
my heart is already ridden with longing for my dearest friend studying abroad. i’ve last seen her when she came to town unexpectedly (which was the most pleasant of all surprises), but it only made me realize how terribly i was missing her and how much more intensely i would be missing her now that i’ve seen her for a most wonderful but short while.
writing my two friends’ names on my list clenched my frail heart in wishing that i could write her name too. that i could see her so that i don’t miss her too much for the next two months. it’s true i wish she was here, that i so terribly miss feeling the connection and chemistry when we talk, but i also feel grateful for this time in our lives. i’m grateful that she’s expanding with experience and knowledge. that she’s working hard at taking herself closer to the person she aspires to be. i’m grateful for her friendship because it has showed me how deeply my heart could love. how faithfully it could miss. how it could surrender to these feelings rather than suppress them or associate them with pain. because missing someone is nowhere near pain to me. for pain cannot exist when love does. this missing makes me feel how much i love her, not how much i’m hurting over this impermanent separation. this missing for her is bittersweet because i’m happy she’s thriving and i’m sad i can’t physically witness her doing it.