why is it that
we always have
so much
or nothing at all
from so much pain
to suffocating numbness
from so much love
to burning rage
from so much forgiveness
to a whirring head of ugliness
from a pleasant peacefulness
to distressing discord
from so much to give
to nothing to lose
i do not know
what is going on
inside myself
i cannot ever
expect what
might come
to me
nor even
out of me
and i’ve given up
trying to figure that out
because it is one of the most fruitless endeavors
i’ve ever come across in my life