Desire Dilemma

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if i’ve been wanting something so much
for so long
and it’s starting to get exhausting,
do i just give up or keep wanting?

how do i know it’s been long enough
to give up?
how long is too long?
how much is too much?
how specific is too specific?
how probable is possibility?
where do i draw the line
to all these extremes?

my heart has been
beating all these years
for the day i look at my life
and see that my most earnest
desire has manifested and
i’ve been living it for so many years
that it’s become part of who i am
that i know would never go away.

i have been acting like
the person i wanna become,
and not much has been coming from it;
and i began doubting and questioning
if all i’ve learned are just sweet metaphors
that do not apply to reality,
let alone the stubborn human brain..

for so long
i’ve wanted to live in a body
that truly reflected my soul,
but i think it’s time
to take my attention off this body
and make my soul beautiful,
give all my attention to it
that i wake up one day
and notice, just notice,
healing and beauty
reflected all over my body.

i want to see and feel that
and just shrug it off — no big deal.
i’m already a mountain of contentment,
i’m already an ocean of gratitude,
i’m already a galaxy of miracles.

that’s what i want.

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