Living The Life I Want

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i don’t have to be studying
to be a valid human being
with a real purpose

i don’t have to be tired
to earn the right
to rest

and if i am tired
i can fucking rest
for however long
i want

i’ve been in school
forced to memorize shit
that don’t mean shit to me
nor my life nor my future
and i damn well
deserve a year
or two or three
of doing absolutely nothing
but that which i genuinely love

going to cafés
discovering new places
living wild new experiences
having nice, real, meaningful
conversations with genuine people
booking a trip in the middle of the semester
no problem
and not to mention
having coffee in the middle of the night
just for the fun of it, the taste of it, the joy of it
instead of shoving it down at six in the morning
and then losing my mind trying
to solve a stupid hypothetical math equation
that would not make a single moment in my life
present, past, or future
any better or even slightly sensical

(this life is meant to not make sense
these moments are meant to be lived
without an idea about what you’ll do next
and being peacefully fine with it)

my heart needs
to be listened to
followed
trusted

it’s time for me
to wake up in the morning
happy, refreshed, rejuvenated,
excited about the day ahead
even if i had no idea
what i’ll do with it

i’m making peace with nothingness
i’m actually buzzing with inspiration
that’s what having nothing imposed upon me
has brought me
it gave me everything
absolutely everything

i can create now
i can create from a beautiful, clear head space
not a cramped, stressed, caged, depressed one

and my pieces have never
felt this beautiful, this euphoric, this divine
as they pour from the cells of my body
to the pixels of this world

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