Introverted

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i’ve been going out so much lately. i’ve gotten to know a friend of mine a little better and i’ve experienced things that i’ve never really thought of nor desired before. i’m proud of myself for getting out of my bubble. but.. i can’t deny it’s exhausting.

i’m not really the kind of person that has the kind of energy and effervescence for daily communication. i truly enjoy spending time with my friends, it raises me and opens me up, but as days pass and i look back at the weeks behind, i notice how going out too much withers and tires me and somehow draws me further from myself. it creates a gap between who i truly am and who i show the world — sometimes in a way that i myself am unaware of as it drapes on me like a curtain and later a flash of light beams and blinds my eyes as it dawns to my awareness.

yes, going out gives me inspiration, it opens up a new window for me to view the world from; but i also need more of Me. i need to have my time between my own walls. i need my space. i can’t handle too much newness, too much goodness, too many thoughts spoken out loud rather than scribbled on paper. there’s a need for familiarity and secrecy deep within me — a desire to appear interestingly mysterious to the eyes observing me — but there also resides a voice that tells me to go out, to say yes, to try new things, to meet new people..

so i do as it says,
but i can’t shake
the feeling deep inside
that i’m losing grasp
of my old self,
my old way of life.

and it’s scary.
but i can’t deny
it’s really, really fun.
i’ve found that as much as
i prefer being in my bubble,
i also love the uncertainty
of its exterior surroundings.
i’ve been caught
in a newly found love affair
with the deliciousness
of trying something new
and loving it so much
that i dare to leave my home
and experience it once again.

One thought on “Introverted

  1. As a fellow introvert, I can relate to your story. It’s all about finding your balance. Just like you, when I force myself to get out into the world, I am amazed! And often inspired! Get out there! And then make time to be alone. Balance.

    Liked by 1 person

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