if you told me i would live through to see this day, i would’ve gotten a heart attack from the mere but vicarious prediction of the burning waters i would be excruciatingly drowning in and the amount of crushing pain i would be suffocatingly immersed in. but now.. now that i am in this exact day.. this exact moment.. there’s no such thing. i’m breathing alright. my organs are functioning phenomenally. and guilt is trying to sneak in, but there’s no room for it in my Being now. i’m sad and i miss you, yes, but what difference does this number make to my grief for losing you? i’ll always miss you, i’ll always wish to be with you; doesn’t matter if it was a second after you left or a century. time is illusionary. it’s a poisonous delusion. it’s not real. nothing exists but this moment, and truly, pain cannot possibly exist in this exact moment except if it were related to the past or future. so, really, what am i lacking in this exact moment? just this moment, no past, no future, no memories, no projections?
i am complete.
and i know you are too.