I’m beyond fed up of being this person
So tired of waking up in the morning
With foolish hope and optimism,
Smiling at strangers and
Putting on an act for my mother
That I am all well and happy.
I miss being a class clown,
A friend trusted for good advice,
A person of an effervescent attitude
And a contagious loud laugh.
I just want my old life back;
My ability to feel and miss old times;
My ability to live the shock and pain
When a loved one hurts me;
My ability to talk, to enjoy company,
Even be admired for my sense of humor.
But really, truth is
Who am I fooling but myself?
Who am I hating but myself?
Who am I harming but myself?
I’ll never be happy with who I am
No matter how many people enjoy
My company or how optimistic I feel
Waking up in the morning.