Pleading For A Death Offer

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by Tomasz Mrozkiewicz | via DeviantArt.com

They say the sun always shines after rain
A rainbow glows with its efflorescent colors
Beyond oceans, connecting mountains

They say there is always light at the end of the tunnel
‘The good is always there, you just have to look for it’
‘You won’t die before you live that light’

My life has been an endless ongoing storm
Rain, snow, thunder, lightning
Cold, threatening, going in circles
Grey mornings and dark sunsets

A sun hidden behind thick grey clouds
And thick grey clouds filling my earth
With heavy, dark, dull snow;
The white, the pure, is no where to be seen

My struggles are juggled, damped into a narrow, endless tunnel
Daring me to ignore them, forcing me to face them
I am exhausted, claustrophobic
It’s too dark to breathe

My world is a death sentence
Maybe a doomed life sentence
A sentence with the words
Scary, dull, restless, lonely, helpless, hopeless

My mind is a circuit box
Press the wrong buttons
Switch the wrong keys
And I explode, you get electrocuted

And I have given up
A sun does not exist in this world
Rainbows and unicorns are foolish myths
Light is only a bulb that is bright white
Threatening to dim any minute
Leave me in eternal darkness
In deafening silence and eternal suffering
But never reliving me with a genuine Death Offering—
a portal to peace— which is all I ever asked for.

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