I’ve molded myself into this person that I portray around people all the time. I’ve distanced and isolated myself from more things than I’ve been part of. I don’t know who I would be without that disguise and I fear if it were to be taken off me permanently, I wouldn’t like what has been lying underneath it all this time. I mean I know the real me because I am my true self when I’m alone, but it’s the me around people or faced with difficulties that’s the one I don’t know; and that petrifies me.
The thing about masking your true feelings is that you can almost control when to take the mask off and when to put it on, depending on the situation you’re in. But eventually, it just inevitably slides off like a thin, silk veil and reveals all that’s been bottling up inside. Sometimes to the extent that you, too, are at a shock with what you’re saying and doing. And that’s about the worst that could happen.
So you do all you can to keep the suffering in and the lively attitude up. It’s the only mechanism you know because you are filled with doubt, fear and insecurity and the only way for you to live with it is to mask it, like it’s the most logical solution..