Night, Art, Emotion

by TongTong | via

I’m constantly and uncontrollably thinking about you all day and night while this house lives and sleeps just fine. I stare at the ceiling as the night creeps in; crying and searching for you, seeing and hearing you but never really sure if it’s actually you. Eyes burning wide open, mind chanting words of distraction; ‘white white white’ ‘i am a brick wall, i am a brick wall’. But really, it never works. No matter how many words scream in my head, nothing seems to take the thought of you away from my mind. You’re intoxicating and consuming and enraging as much as saddening and exhausting.

I am a mess. I am a work of disastrous art. I feel anger, i feel hurt, i feel fear, so much fear that i can barely keep myself from giving up to my impulsive, destructive thoughts and acting upon them. I need a home. I need safety and reassurance. But I don’t think I could ever get myself to look for that, because i know for a fact that no matter how much love and safety i get, this fear and sorrow will never ever leave me. It could never be replaced.

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