It Never Stops

unknown artist | via

Voices scream in my head as I sit in silence
Judging me, mocking me,
My father’s voice;
Wrong and Right.

‘I am a brick wall, I am a brick wall’

I’m cold
Blue finger nails clawing,
Tense arms shivering,
Weak limbs wobbling.

Turn on my music, stop the carousel,
Drift miles and miles away,
Between the horizon and the deep ends,
I walk, I fly, I dance, I don’t run.

I’m alone,
In temporary peace,
I start running,
Dragged back to the sharpness of reality.

I am laced with fear,
Guilt and insecurity.

‘I am a brick wall, I am a brick wall’

My eyes start to shut close,
My memory starts to drift away,
My world slips apart from me,
I’m running in a dream,
Distance never shortens,
Voices scream like thunder.

I’m not hot, I’m not cold,
I’m not hurt, I’m not scared,
I’m not ill, I’m not real,
Im nothing but a vessel;
Eating itself away.

I am a haze, I am a blur, I am numb.

As it hits me once again:
The carousel never stops turning,
The memories never stop flashing,
The guilt and ache never stop pounding,
Because just as a storm ends, rushes another.

And here crawls the little voice murmuring,
‘I am a brick wall, I am a brick wall’


{This poem was slightly inspired by one of my favorite fictional characters, Kinsey, from the novel Damaged by Amy Reed}

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